# Zombie weapon of choice



## slowtyper (Nov 9, 2011)

You are at work, or at home in the kitchen when the zombies start shuffling into your neighbourhood. You have to leave, you can take one item from your kitchen.

I love my 270mm konosuke hd but its too light to feel like it could do much damage. I think with that all you'd be able to do is stab their brains through their eye. Deba is the meatiest knife I have, but its so small. Would probably do a fine job smashing brains from the tops of heads. 

Or would you resort to other kitchen equipment? Fire extinguisher? Frying pan?


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## G-rat (Nov 9, 2011)

Well I guess I need to start keeping the light 20 gauge in the kitchen...


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## mpukas (Nov 9, 2011)

desert eagle .50


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## DwarvenChef (Nov 9, 2011)

Range would be my interests... farther away so I don't have to smell them  For up close Lodge frying pan, thick and heavy lol


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## JBroida (Nov 9, 2011)

mpukas said:


> desert eagle .50



This:


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## slowtyper (Nov 9, 2011)

Maybe all the knuts would get eaten after stopping to admire the awesome zombie-patina forming.


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## Eamon Burke (Nov 9, 2011)

JBroida said:


> This:
> View attachment 2353
> 
> View attachment 2355
> ...


 
Jon. What the hell is that?


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## JBroida (Nov 9, 2011)

thats the store's protection


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## The hekler (Nov 9, 2011)

My new (to me) 270mm Tadafusa Deba. It must weight almost 2lbs and has a spine almost a centimeter thick... Yeah I think I'd send the zombies running.


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## Eamon Burke (Nov 9, 2011)

You said "shuffling", which can only mean that the crucial first step of Zombie preparedness is done--determine if they are slow zombies or running zombies. The slow ones, no problem. From my kitchen, I'd grab food--my EDC stuff and wits should get me where I need to go just fine.


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## ecchef (Nov 9, 2011)

View attachment 2358


The one on top.


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## sachem allison (Nov 9, 2011)

I have an old 30" long hog splitter that must weigh 10# for close work or maybe the Ruger .44 super blackhawk and my 444 Marlin or my Ruger 338 win. mag for distance.


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## slowtyper (Nov 9, 2011)

I will definitely have this in the back of my mind when I check out the CCk store this christmas


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## memorael (Nov 9, 2011)

I would take the masahiro petty I have. I keep hearing size doesn't matter. :razz:


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## Chef Niloc (Nov 9, 2011)

Reamember to kill a zombie you got to destroy the brain! Not easy to do with kitchen tools, best to lock your self in the walkin and wait for the rednecks to save you. But it I had to pick a knife to make a run for it this would be it.


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## sachem allison (Nov 9, 2011)

Chef Niloc said:


> Reamember to kill a zombie you got to destroy the brain! Not easy to do with kitchen tools, best to lock your self in the walkin and wait for the rednecks to save you. But it I had to pick a knife to make a run for it this would be it.


That's about the size of my hog splitter!


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## ecchef (Nov 9, 2011)

Holy Shiiiiiit!


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## Chef Niloc (Nov 9, 2011)

sachem allison said:


> That's about the size of my hog splitter!


 
Ok so new plan.... Zombie attack we meet up at roosevelt field.....day of the dead style


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## sachem allison (Nov 10, 2011)

Chef Niloc said:


> Ok so new plan.... Zombie attack we meet up at roosevelt field.....day of the dead style


 
you gotta a deal. I'll bring the scotch!


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## Seb (Nov 10, 2011)

Firearms too loud - the report would simply attract more Walkers to you and you would get overwhelmed and eaten alive. 

Blades and edges weapons (axes, swords) are no good because the suction or wedging in skull or bone would cause you to lose the weapon and then how would you take down the second and third and fourth ones and so on??

Blunt, heavy implement is best - crowbar or Russian E-tool or entry tool or mace/bludgeon is the way to go.

If you must go the firearms route then it has to be a .22LR with a silencer (homemade if need be). After all, you only have to take out the brain. I will leave you to work out the logistical details since it is your fantasy question and Zombies aren't real.


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## JohnnyChance (Nov 10, 2011)

Seb said:


> Blades and edges weapons (axes, swords) are no good because the suction or wedging in skull or bone would cause you to lose the weapon and then how would you take down the second and third and fourth ones and so on??



Convex grind my friend, no wedging, excellent zombie-release.


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## Timthebeaver (Nov 10, 2011)

As a climber I'd take my ice axe and hammer


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## Dubsy (Nov 10, 2011)

alright, the running vs. walking zombie quesion is answered, but you forgot the more important one: what kind of zombie is it?
there are three types of zombies:

Chemical Zombies: still "alive" but were created by chemical warfare. brain is the target.

Bacterial Zombies: created by biological warfare. if we go by "i am legend (the BOOK)" logic, then the only way to kill them is to create a large enough hole so that they cannot cover it up, and the bacteria die due to exposure to oxygen.

Unholy Zombies: created supernaturally. and because they're supernatural, you cant kill 'em. we're boned.

either way you look at it, the most effective would be something like a shotgun since it makes a big hole, and can literally take someone head off. a knife would SLICE the brain, not destroy it. and since it SLICES, its not a big hole so the bacteria can create a film to cover it in no time.

for these reasons and more, i always have a backpack full of everything i need in my trunk (food, clothes, gas mask, paracord, etc.) a Gerber survival knife, and a 12 gauge. im all set.


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## Citizen Snips (Nov 10, 2011)

wow, have we all been watching the walking dead or something?? lol

because i dont use a lot of axes, pistols, or mountain climbing gear in my kitchen, i would have to go with the deba just because its the toughest knife i own


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## SpikeC (Nov 10, 2011)

This is 14 inches long at the edge, light weight for speed, sever the head and on to the next:


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## bprescot (Nov 10, 2011)

Seb said:


> Blunt, heavy implement is best


 
So.... Wusthof?


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## aaronsgibson (Nov 10, 2011)

If you end up getting surrounded you can go out like Billy.


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## Keith Neal (Nov 10, 2011)




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## The hekler (Nov 10, 2011)

People keep the strangest things in their kitchens apparently.


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## Eamon Burke (Nov 10, 2011)

I know, right? I thought this was for kitchen things!


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## sachem allison (Nov 10, 2011)

I live in Jamaica, queens some of that stuff is in my kitchen. unofficially of course. benefit of living with a retired NYPD cop.


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## swarfrat (Nov 10, 2011)

Seb said:


> ....and Zombies aren't real.


 
You haven't been around my office on a Monday morning.


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## WillC (Nov 10, 2011)

Chopstick through the eye?:knight:


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## James (Nov 10, 2011)

sachem allison said:


> I live in Jamaica, queens some of that stuff is in my kitchen. unofficially of course. benefit of living with a retired NYPD cop.


 
oh whoah; I'm from Fresh Meadows. Hello there neighbor! (although I'm in the city for school)


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## HHH Knives (Nov 10, 2011)

Soon to be my Zombie slayer!! I sure hope they dont make it to Marlette B4 I get this baby finished!


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## l r harner (Nov 10, 2011)

right now imm have a 330mm slicer 6 feet from me a 10 inch heavy camp knife lesss then 3' my glock is 15 feet or so (so not in the kkitchen persay ) the tuna sword tho is abut the same distance and that would jsut be fun 

i have not shot gun (need to fix that 
BTW blunt force not much getts better then a 4X4 truck adn brush guard


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## echerub (Nov 10, 2011)

Heavy, blunt, solid object... maybe my best bet would be to use my Boardsmith board 

Otherwise, I think my 265mm cleaver would be a fine choice.


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## Chef Niloc (Nov 11, 2011)

By far my #1 chose, got to get one of these.


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## oivind_dahle (Nov 11, 2011)

If you cant beat them, join them

Would have picked up a huge bottle of JD. I usually end up like a zombie within a few hours of heavy drinking .)


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## Lefty (Nov 11, 2011)

These threads make me laugh. I love a good spirited, learn little thread. Haha
I'll go Chinese cleaver and a flathead axe. If what Seb wrote is accurate, I need a blunt object for the brain, which the flat part works perfectly for, and the beveled edge would be great for forcing doors, cutting through walls, making a trap, etc. I guess my wife could always use her hair straightener, or maybe her purse if it's been a while since she's cleaned it out. I think my dog would be a lean mean zombie finding/killing machine, so he's set.


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## maxim (Nov 11, 2011)

My Zombi killer


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## echerub (Nov 11, 2011)

Does anyone here have the skill to wield 2 cleavers at the same time?


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## l r harner (Nov 11, 2011)

might not have the skills but i can flail with the best of them


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## JohnnyChance (Nov 11, 2011)

Chef Niloc said:


> By far my #1 chose, got to get one of these.


 
So you basically want to be Anton Chigurh from No Country For Old Men: portable cattle gun, silenced shot gun, badass. I think he would fare well.


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## sachem allison (Nov 11, 2011)

James said:


> oh whoah; I'm from Fresh Meadows. Hello there neighbor! (although I'm in the city for school)


 
well. hello.


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## Delbert Ealy (Nov 11, 2011)

Missed this thread, but my answer shouldn't be a surprise. A 10# sledge, which I can wield with surprising agility and would do quite nicely for bashing brains. A light tap from me will obliterate a pumpkin. A serious hit with one anywhere solid will do some serious bone busting to give me time to line up a good head shot .......FOUR! As for other busting, I could take an entire house down with it, given a bit of time. It may not be as fast as some others listed, but is the low tech equivalent of a shotgun as far as stopping power goes. I do like that too, as well as the ice axe, which is something I have always wanted to make and is on my list for end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it gear. (novels on this subject are some of my favs)
Del


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## mindbender (Nov 12, 2011)

Does anyone have a picture of that sleek machete that Denzel Washington used to great effect in "The Book of Eli?"

Other than a silenced Remington 700, I can't think of a efficient weapon that won't wake the (zombified) neighbors...

Edit: Hang on... touchdown!


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## JanusInTheGarden (Nov 12, 2011)

Citizen Snips said:


> wow, have we all been watching the walking dead or something?? lol


 
Actually, one of our foodrunners is frequently one of the zombies on that show. They have training camps and everything.

+1 on blunt objects. You know, a metal baseball bat always feels right in my hands.


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## Chef Niloc (Nov 12, 2011)

Delbert Ealy said:


> Missed this thread, but my answer shouldn't be a surprise. A 10# sledge, which I can wield with surprising agility and would do quite nicely for bashing brains. A light tap from me will obliterate a pumpkin. A serious hit with one anywhere solid will do some serious bone busting to give me time to line up a good head shot .......FOUR! As for other busting, I could take an entire house down with it, given a bit of time. It may not be as fast as some others listed, but is the low tech equivalent of a shotgun as far as stopping power goes. I do like that too, as well as the ice axe, which is something I have always wanted to make and is on my list for end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it gear. (novels on this subject are some of my favs)
> Del



True Fact I went over this with Marissa when I was responding to this thread. It's not easy to destroy a human brain with blunt force. Fracture a skull takes about 150 lb per Inch force, easily doable 10# sledge. BUT to crush a skull and completely destroy the brain takes 1500+ lbs per inch! I was amazed when she told me this. She sad she would bring home a skull for me and let me try if I like but if I can't do it in two swings I have to do all the house work for a month! I'm not a betting man. 
Note: For those that don't know shay wife is the chief medical examiner. She has also beaten every resident evil game


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## mr drinky (Nov 12, 2011)

I'd choose Cherry with the prosthetic machine gun leg from Grindhouse.

k.


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## 9mmbhp (Nov 12, 2011)




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## Seb (Nov 12, 2011)

Chef Niloc said:


> True Fact I went over this with Marissa when I was responding to this thread. It's not easy to destroy a human brain with blunt force. Fracture a skull takes about 150 lb per Inch force, easily doable 10# sledge. BUT to crush a skull and completely destroy the brain takes 1500+ lbs per inch! I was amazed when she told me this. She sad she would bring home a skull for me and let me try if I like but if I can't do it in two swings I have to do all the house work for a month! I'm not a betting man.
> Note: For those that don't know shay wife is the chief medical examiner. She has also beaten every resident evil game


 
Sorry to contradict but a wealth of 'cinematic evidence' indicates that a couple of lusty taps on the zombified noggin with a baseball bat will do the job amply.


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## slowtyper (Nov 13, 2011)

9mmbhp said:


>


 I love her


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## jheis (Nov 13, 2011)

Six pages!

You guys watch waaaaaaaaaaay too much TV....


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## echerub (Nov 13, 2011)

Hmm. The skull *is* a rather stout object given that it's a hard, round structure that distributes force well. That means a purely blunt object isn't our best bet. The climbing axes, however.... Or maybe if we use a wedge-shaped baseball-bat like item that concentrates the force of impact...

I can't think of anything around my kitchen that fits that description though. I might just have to fall back on my cleaver and go for decapitation. It's risky, but I don't have much choice.

I have no cable or satellite TV. I'm enjoying this thread based purely on zombie education from my highschool days


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## panda (Nov 25, 2013)

honing steel sharpen the tip, and a hammer


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## JKerr (Nov 25, 2013)

A sack full of whetstones.....


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## cclin (Nov 25, 2013)

this will knock-out zombie with one blow!!


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## RGNY (Nov 25, 2013)

if kitchen only, there's a tool bucket:


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## Burl Source (Nov 25, 2013)

I say "Spank that Zombie"





and then run away while they are laughing.


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## AFKitchenknivesguy (Nov 25, 2013)

I keep my .45 in the kitchen, so boom...headshot.


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## boomchakabowwow (Nov 25, 2013)

cheap chinese cleaver. 

except the part where i dont have a sheath for it.


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## bear1889 (Nov 25, 2013)

Tactical M2 Benelli 12 ga. In the bedroom, tactical remington 870 12 ga in the pantry, full slide .45 in the cupboard in ritz cracker box, glock 19 in the freezer and an Ealy paring knife, why the paring knife? Because they tend to be all purpose and well it's an Ealy. irate1:


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## Lexington Jim (Nov 25, 2013)

I'm grabbing the axe in the garage, it's not far.


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## EdipisReks (Nov 25, 2013)

i have a Mossberg in a closet near my kitchen, and it's the closet near the closest exit from my kitchen, so i'll cheat and say that. my cheap Chinese cleaver will be in my bag, though, as would my long handled pizza peel for keeping zombies at a distance.


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## Keith Sinclair (Dec 1, 2013)

I have a sharp Machete in a sheath under the sofa.


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## quantumcloud509 (Dec 2, 2013)

Glock .40 and a bottle of vodka. oh and an Ealy parer


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