# If getting attacked in the kitchen??



## Gjackson98 (Mar 5, 2019)

If you are in the kitchen cooking, some random person or animal or aliens just broke in. What’s your go to kitchen knife for self defense? 
No you do not have other weapon options.  
Let’s see some photos!


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## parbaked (Mar 5, 2019)

Gude bread sword...you may need serrations to cut through alien membrane...







I don't want to chip any of my gyutos...


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## CoteRotie (Mar 5, 2019)

300mm yanagiba in one hand, Wusthof cleaver in the other.


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## ian (Mar 5, 2019)

Waiting for someone to post a picture of that 360mm Misono gyuto/machete that was on BST for a while. 

A Dragon isn't a bad bet, regardless of size. Depending on the species of the combatant, the picture could either contribute to the shock and awe, or perhaps make them think you're on their side.


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## esoo (Mar 5, 2019)

Something like this:
http://www.wusthof.com/products/classic/12-heavy-cook-s-knife

pointy-ish tip with distal taper for stab, long enough for some slash, medium HRC for resiliency against bone.


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## Benuser (Mar 5, 2019)

ianbiringer said:


> Waiting for someone to post a picture of that 360mm Misono gyuto/machete that was on BST for a while.
> 
> A Dragon isn't a bad bet, regardless of size. Depending on the species of the combatant, the picture could either contribute to the shock and awe, or perhaps make them think you're on their side.


THIS is a machete, by Thiers-Issard, carbon steel, <€50, total length 69.5cm, 16.5cm handle, 53cm blade.


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## Benuser (Mar 5, 2019)

But I would simply use a 240mm yo-deba. Will do.


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## Xenif (Mar 5, 2019)

Does it have to be a knife? I would grab my de buyer 26 cm with the helper handle .... It's practically an axe that doubles as a shield
If it HAS to be a knife ... Mune Butcher , short sharp and great for stabbing


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## Ryndunk (Mar 5, 2019)

I have one of these. Probably would be my first option.


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## CoteRotie (Mar 5, 2019)

Ryndunk said:


> I have one of these. Probably would be my first option. View attachment 49633


Sure, tenderize your opponent a bit. Maybe get out the Jaccard too.


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## riba (Mar 5, 2019)

Poor guys, you don't have a itinomonn butcher?

Fortunately I can run pretty fast. Typically, somebody will be slower ..


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## DamageInc (Mar 5, 2019)




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## panda (Mar 5, 2019)

um, oil from deep fryer and a sauce pan..


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## Benuser (Mar 5, 2019)

riba said:


> Poor guys, you don't have a itinomonn butcher?
> 
> Fortunately I can run pretty fast. Typically, somebody will be slower ..


This Hechtsäbel will make others run.


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## riba (Mar 5, 2019)

Benuser said:


> This Hechtsäbel will make others run.


I don't want the others to run, them staying put is excellent


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## Gjackson98 (Mar 5, 2019)

I was imagining something like this


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## Noodle Soup (Mar 5, 2019)

I have one of those Thiers Issard machetes. It is really heavy, more like a sword than a machete. I bought mine from a German company that advertised it as being French Foreign Legion issue. I don't use it too much as it will wear you out clearing trails but it can be the perfect tool if you have some heavy chopping to do,.


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## Kgp (Mar 5, 2019)

Gjackson98 said:


> If you are in the kitchen cooking, some random person or animal or aliens just broke in. What’s your go to kitchen knife for self defense?
> No you do not have other weapon options.
> Let’s see some photos!


As the old saying goes, "Don't bring a knife to a gun fight!" Thankful for the 2nd amendment and my carry permit!


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## Gjackson98 (Mar 5, 2019)

Kgp said:


> As the old saying goes, "Don't bring a knife to a gun fight!" Thankful for the 2nd amendment and my carry permit!



That’s right lol but What if Someone likes both? No worries I got solutions!!


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## Kgp (Mar 5, 2019)

Gjackson98 said:


> That’s right lol but What if Someone likes both? No worries I got solutions!!
> 
> View attachment 49670


Might be a little big for concealed carry, but it should get the job done!


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## CoteRotie (Mar 5, 2019)

Gjackson98 said:


> That’s right lol but What if Someone likes both? No worries I got solutions!!
> 
> View attachment 49670


Can you do katsuramuki with that thing too?


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## Michi (Mar 5, 2019)

I don't do manual labour when killing aliens


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## dsk (Mar 5, 2019)

I'd first throw the busted electric sharpened concave bellied wusthof, then throw the next wusthof, then hold the next one and go ham, while still trying to throw the chip monster ceramic petties, though they are probably too light to do real damage.


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## Paraffin (Mar 5, 2019)

Well drat, my machete is outside in the shed. I guess I'd grab my two cheap stainless steel Chinese cleavers (you never know how corrosive aliens or zombie parts are). I'd just use an upright version of the fast double-whack action I use on pork mince. Should get the job done. If the aliens are tasty, then it's outer space Dan Dan noodle time!


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## stringer (Mar 5, 2019)

There's gotta be something here that would work.


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## boomchakabowwow (Mar 5, 2019)

I’m going for the dick kick. Unless it’s an alien. I’ll poke him in that big eye with a chop stick.


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## Gjackson98 (Mar 5, 2019)

CoteRotie said:


> Can you do katsuramuki with that thing too?



Challenge accepted lol


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## Dylan (Mar 5, 2019)

Kgp said:


> As the old saying goes, "Don't bring a knife to a gun fight!" Thankful for the 2nd amendment and my carry permit!



This ^ 

Not having any other weapon options is never an option!


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## panda (Mar 5, 2019)

hit them in the face with the gross mop to blind them, dual wield some ladles and go for head shots


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## Kippington (Mar 5, 2019)

panda said:


> hit them in the face with the gross mop...


That's a critical hit right there.


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## Michi (Mar 5, 2019)

Pull out one or two of your Wiltshire Staysharp knives. The enemy will flee immediately:

"Oh no, _please_! Don't cut me with _that_!"


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## GorillaGrunt (Mar 6, 2019)

Lol as soon as I saw this my first thought was damn, too bad I sold the 360 dragon. Also I’ve seen those T-I machetes, pretty cool just on principle. But I’d go with a blazing hot grill grate in one hand and the biggest house knife in the other, dirk and buckler style: I’m not chipping up a good j-knife on alien/bear bones!


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## Benuser (Mar 6, 2019)

Kgp said:


> As the old saying goes, "Don't bring a knife to a gun fight!" Thankful for the 2nd amendment and my carry permit!


In Europe we do things a bit differently. An apprentice in the kitchen had to defend himself against a colleague, used a chef's, and broke it. A smart guy made a kind of Honesuki of it — not obvious, as it happened in Paris around 1900. The knife is still there. 
I got it from @sachem allison


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## podzap (Mar 6, 2019)

In Finland, sushi cooks just kill each other! https://yle.fi/uutiset/osasto/news/...etween_2_helsinki_restaurant_workers/10350854


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## esoo (Mar 6, 2019)

panda said:


> hit them in the face with the gross mop to blind them, dual wield some ladles and go for head shots



if we're talking aliens, that's likely just feeding them.


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## Gjackson98 (Mar 6, 2019)

you guys are bad lol


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## Uncle Mike (Mar 6, 2019)

Pot of boiling water FTW!


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## Bert2368 (Mar 6, 2019)

Gjackson98 said:


> If you are in the kitchen cooking, some random person or animal or aliens just broke in. What’s your go to kitchen knife for self defense?
> No you do not have other weapon options.
> Let’s see some photos!



There are both a Mosin Nagant and an SKS with (permanently attached, folding) bayonets in the same room as my stove here. Do these count?


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## Gjackson98 (Mar 6, 2019)

Bert2368 said:


> There are both a Mosin Nagant and an SKS with (permanently attached, folding) bayonets in the same room as my stove here. Do these count?


That makes me wonder what you cooking


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## Bert2368 (Mar 6, 2019)

podzap said:


> In Finland, sushi cooks just kill each other! https://yle.fi/uutiset/osasto/news/...etween_2_helsinki_restaurant_workers/10350854



*PERKELE!!! 





*


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## Tim Rowland (Mar 6, 2019)

I'm going with my re-handled CCK big rhino.


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## Dhoff (Mar 6, 2019)

Tim Rowland said:


> I'm going with my re-handled CCK big rhino. View attachment 49700



What in the blazes are you using that monster for?


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## Tim Rowland (Mar 6, 2019)

.......................waiting for aliens to attack my kitchen. 

I used to use it for hacking chickens in half for roasting but its more of a novelty. I re-handled it a while ago and now it just sits down in my shop on the wall to look intimidating.


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## podzap (Mar 6, 2019)

Bert2368 said:


> *PERKELE!!!
> 
> View attachment 49701
> *



Oh no, you didn't! Had me about to roll out of bed laughing so hard!


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## Chef Doom (Mar 6, 2019)

Cleaver combined with a large cast iron skillet for defense.


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## Chef Doom (Mar 6, 2019)

panda said:


> um, oil from deep fryer and a sauce pan..


Now that is quick thinking. Unless it is a zombie.


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## Chef Doom (Mar 6, 2019)

Noodle Soup said:


> I have one of those Thiers Issard machetes. It is really heavy, more like a sword than a machete. I bought mine from a German company that advertised it as being French Foreign Legion issue. I don't use it too much as it will wear you out clearing trails but it can be the perfect tool if you have some heavy chopping to do,.


You keep a machete in your kitchen?


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## ian (Mar 6, 2019)

I’d hold them in the sous vide and watch them slowly heat over several hours.


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## DSChief (Mar 6, 2019)

Any one of these, my Zombie killers. The Kochi is 270 mm for reference


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## Danzo (Mar 6, 2019)

This thread is awesome


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## Bert2368 (Mar 7, 2019)

Gjackson98 said:


> That makes me wonder what you cooking



I am licensed by BATF to manufacture and import explosives.

I do not cook drugs. I did make nitroglycerin in a kitchen sink before graduating from high school, back when I was young and immortal.

I now blow things up/set them on fire for a living. My primary job is ensuring safety-

My company also provides armorer services and "weapons wrangling" for video and film productions.

We have real weapons for close up shots which include action such as insering magazines or charging weapons, plus familiarizing actors on a range with what reality would be like.

The arms locker with our "live" rental equipment adjoins the break room area where I frequently cook... Hence the above question about what qualifies as "a knife" and "in your kitchen".

On the same site I have a kitchen garden, a small orchard, chickens, turkeys, ducks and crop fields/pastures/wood lots populated by tasty deer. Usually THESE are the source of what I'm cooking.


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## Gjackson98 (Mar 7, 2019)

Bert2368 said:


> I am licensed by BATF to manufacture and import explosives.
> 
> I do not cook drugs. I did make nitroglycerin in a kitchen sink before graduating from high school, back when I was young and immortal.
> 
> ...



Yeah.... I think you are gtg, no body’s gonna go mess with your kitchen lol


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## Noodle Soup (Mar 7, 2019)

Chef Doom said:


> You keep a machete in your kitchen?


Nope, never said I did. The machete is for outside work. I live on a small homestead and own a 70 acre tree farm. Always something needing chopping around the place. But that French machete is a little too heavy for every day use.


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## Bert2368 (Mar 7, 2019)

Gjackson98 said:


> Yeah.... I think you are gtg, no body’s gonna go mess with your kitchen lol



You never know, those damn space aliens got NO respect.


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## Barmoley (Mar 7, 2019)

You guys are making me uncomfortable with this thread..... Your assumptions that our space alien and zombie brothers (brothers as in kindred spirit, not a gender identification), would want to cause us harm and would need to be dealt with in a violent manner is appalling and needs to be reported. Besides, most Japanese style knives clearly state to avoid bone contact.


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## Xenif (Mar 7, 2019)

If/when these Aliens attack, KKFers and our toothy sharp edges will save the planet


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## WildBoar (Mar 7, 2019)

Barmoley said:


> You guys are making me uncomfortable with this thread..... Your assumptions that our space alien and zombie brothers (brothers as in kindred spirit, not a gender identification), would want to cause us harm and would need to be dealt with in a violent manner is appalling and needs to be reported. Besides, most Japanese style knives clearly state to avoid bone contact.


Everyone knows aliens don't have bones, just cartilage.


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## StonedEdge (Mar 7, 2019)

yo deba, paring knife, or parang. depending on situation


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## Reegan Said (Mar 7, 2019)

Grabbing the Chinese cleaver asap.


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## Keith Sinclair (Mar 8, 2019)

Don't want to get into the damage & murder Machete's have inflicted around the world. Almost 40 years kitchens in Hawaii have seen a lot. Guy with a cleaver chasing another. Many knife threat gestures. My good friend Tom Matsuda who got me the Sheraton Waikiki Ice Carving account was murdered in the chef's office with a knife. Over nothing by a loser F#$%.


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## Chef Doom (Mar 9, 2019)

I hear from Philippine natives how an argument will turn into a knife fight very quickly. Kali stick fighting is originally a knife martial art.


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## riba (Mar 9, 2019)

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-47507937


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## Bert2368 (Mar 9, 2019)

riba said:


> https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-47507937


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## daddy yo yo (Mar 10, 2019)

This thread made me think. I went down to the basement to get my Machete (bought it in Guatemala 20 years ago) and my 2 axes. I will keep those in the kitchen from now on. You never know...


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