# My weird week, Not as bad as Colin's



## sachem allison (Oct 17, 2012)

My week started off with my roommate notifying me she was leaving for Vegas In an hour and wouldn't be back for a week and that I needed to take care of her 5 cats. I gave her 20 to lose for me. She left the house a pig sty, sink full of dishes, stove covered in food and dirty pans and 3 full litter boxes. She picked up two feral cats about 2 months ago and they have just tore up everything. Now the male cat Is starting to mark his territory, What a stink. Wednesday, she texts me and said I won $100, ten minutes later she texts me and says she meant $150. She said it was the first bet she made when she arrived and it paid 36 to 1 odds. correct me if I'm wrong but, $20 dollars at 36 to 1 odds is $720 not $150. oh well.
Then On Thursday I was at work and plugged my phone into it's charger, took a box downstairs turn right around came back up and my phone was stolen. Someone actually walked to the back kitchen into the server station and stole my phone in less then 2 minutes. I called the tracking company for my phone and they said, sorry our system is down and we can't help you. What the hell have I been paying them for? 
I calm down, work my shift and go home. subway took two hours longer, because some ass decided to kill himself on the tracks earlier in the day. Finally, make it home, unlock the door and step into a puddle of piss. I mop and deodorize everything , walk into the dining room and flip on the lights and my roommates favorite 20# cat is lying on the floor on it's back staring at me, waiting for me to scratch her belly, so that she can scratch the hell out of me. I notice that she is laying in a puddle of piss. I reach down to scratch her and she is dead to the world. She is still warm and soft, apparently she flopped onto the floor to spring her trap, had a heart attack and died instantly when I walked through the door. I grab the cat, toss her into the basement because, that's the coolest spot, mop the floor, go get me some Chinese food.
I can't call the roommate because, my phone is stolen and she is in Vegas. 3am , I go digging through her garage and find a shovel, dig a grave in the back yard and dump the cat in and bury it. Halfway through this procedure it proceeds to pour rain. The neighbors are having a birthday party or something and see me burying something in the backyard and call the cops. 4am the cops show up want to know what's going on. I tell them whats what and they start laughing and telling me I'm screwed . 7am head back to work to pick up my new cell phone, 8 am have chest discomfort, head to hospital across the street, have a mild heart attack. Heparin drip 4 hours. Release me 6:45 am The next day, Call roommate 10pm Monday night to tell here about the cat, she is at the airport heading back, first words out of her mouth were, why did you murder my cat! She got back at 7am tuesday morning and I haven't heard from her since.
On the plus side Tuesday afternoon was spent at Korin.


----------



## jayhay (Oct 17, 2012)

You live with 5 cats, son? Holy hell that would drive me crazy. And chinese food after the dead cat is pretty funny. But it sounds like a very ****** day. Glad you are alright after the mild heart attack, that is some scary stuff. Sounds like you need some good R&R. Take it easy man and think about the upside. One less cat lol. And hopefully you get your money from her and she didn't gamble it away. Glad Korin was a good time


----------



## bikehunter (Oct 17, 2012)

Sounds like something from a novel. Tho' I don't think many people could make that up. Geez, which gods did you piss off? Just don't, for any reason say....Well, things could be worse. <g>


----------



## add (Oct 17, 2012)

sachem allison said:


> My weird week, *Not as bad as Colin's*...




Looks like it might just be a photo finish to this judge, lol.

Yikes man!


----------



## sachem allison (Oct 17, 2012)

jayhay said:


> You live with 5 cats, son? Holy hell that would drive me crazy. And chinese food after the dead cat is pretty funny. But it sounds like a very ****** day. Glad you are alright after the mild heart attack, that is some scary stuff. Sounds like you need some good R&R. Take it easy man and think about the upside. One less cat lol. And hopefully you get your money from her and she didn't gamble it away. Glad Korin was a good time


and I hate cats! They all love me though, I think they know. My personal room in the attic is a cat free zone. I only ever sit at the kitchen table to use the computer and never sit in the living room. She is half way to being that lady with the cats. She is a friend of mine but, I gotta get out .


----------



## sachem allison (Oct 17, 2012)

bikehunter said:


> Sounds like something from a novel. Tho' I don't think many people could make that up. Geez, which gods did you piss off? Just don't, for any reason say....Well, things could be worse. <g>



I have been joking for years that God keeps me around for comic relief.


----------



## Mr.Magnus (Oct 17, 2012)

5 nasty cats pissing on the floors and a roommate that dont know how to clean. find a new home or if you are the owner of the apartment kick her out. thats just grows and unhealty. you need to man up! dont take **** like that. i would never in a million years live with a person like her. you seem to bee in a dark period do what must be done and hang in there and it will get better.


----------



## Pensacola Tiger (Oct 17, 2012)

God Is an Iron. "If a person who indulges in gluttony is a glutton, and a person who commits a felony is a felon, then God is an iron."  Spider Robinson.


----------



## sachem allison (Oct 17, 2012)

Mr.Magnus said:


> 5 nasty cats pissing on the floors and a roommate that dont know how to clean. find a new home or if you are the owner of the apartment kick her out. thats just grows and unhealty. you need to man up! dont take **** like that. i would never in a million years live with a person like her. you seem to bee in a dark period do what must be done and hang in there and it will get better.



she is the owner and this is all a relatively new thing. She is going through something and I'm already looking for a way out. no worries there. This cat pissing thing is something that just happened, I think it was the cat who died letting me know she was stressed about something and the new male taking the oppurtunity to mark his space. The plus side is I just talked to the roommate 5 minutes ago and she is getting rid of the two feral cats and giving one of the other cats to her sister, so we will be down to one. Now I just have to figure out how to get rid of that one.lol


----------



## ecchef (Oct 17, 2012)

You got a shovel....start digging more holes. 4 small ones and 1 big one. Just don't let anyone see you doing it.


----------



## Benuser (Oct 17, 2012)

I hope you will have to bury ALL these cats. Meanwhile, take care.


----------



## SpikeC (Oct 17, 2012)

You have my deepest sympathy, Son. BTW, I am making good progress on the bone handled jobbies, they are goin to be dandy, I think!


----------



## El Pescador (Oct 17, 2012)

Hope things end up okay.


----------



## shankster (Oct 17, 2012)

Dude..you gotta write a memoir of your life's stories,you can't make @hit like that up!! Hope the rest of the week goes better for ya..


----------



## hax9215 (Oct 17, 2012)

Kitty killer karma will get you every time!!!

Hax the Cook CLEAVERS RULE!!!


----------



## Seth (Oct 17, 2012)

My girlfriend spent three days in the hospital after a cat bite...her cat, last week. Somewhere, the healthcare system paid $16,000 on behalf of this cat. The cat is gone.

Son, I think you need to simplify and move to the suburbs away from the stress of nyc. A nice job where you saunter in whenever you like, chop a few things, and boss some people around. I hope you bought yourself a little present at Korin.


----------



## DeepCSweede (Oct 17, 2012)

Seth said:


> My girlfriend spent three days in the hospital after a cat bite...her cat, last week. Somewhere, the healthcare system paid $16,000 on behalf of this cat. The cat is gone.
> 
> Son, I think you need to simplify and move to the suburbs away from the stress of nyc. A nice job where you saunter in whenever you like, chop a few things, and boss some people around. I hope you bought yourself a little present at Korin.



Maybe it's time to move back to Sconnie - but then the culinary choices here would probably put you back in the hospital so maybe that's not the best idea.


----------



## mano (Oct 17, 2012)

Seth said:


> Son, I think you need to simplify and move to the suburbs away from the stress of nyc. *A nice job where you saunter in whenever you like, chop a few things, and boss some people around.* I hope you bought yourself a little present at Korin.



Yeah, that magical happy place...heaven.


----------



## steeley (Oct 17, 2012)

Sorry to hear that son , hope everything is going well today . 
I love cat's in stew's , fried , bbq, .................:scared4:


----------



## Zwiefel (Oct 17, 2012)

I can see I'm going to have to stop bitchin' about my problems. Hope it gets better Son!


----------



## Burl Source (Oct 17, 2012)

I think you should move back to Oregon, get a green card and become a farmer.


----------



## pumbaa (Oct 17, 2012)

or come to charlotte open a place let me and knerd run it and relax in the suburbs, or just make the best of what is given and just laugh at it all honestly (except the heart attack part). you have had some crazy stories and events in life.


----------



## Don Nguyen (Oct 17, 2012)

Wow, Son! That's hectic.

Glad to hear you got the chest pain immediately checked out, and that you're alright. Wishing for the best!


----------



## sachem allison (Oct 17, 2012)

pumbaa said:


> or come to charlotte open a place let me and knerd run it and relax in the suburbs, or just make the best of what is given and just laugh at it all honestly (except the heart attack part). you have had some crazy stories and events in life.



I'd open a place, but I'm flat broke. you guys can run it, I'll go fishing.


----------



## Bulldogbacchus (Oct 17, 2012)

I love cats,
But I can't eat a whole one by myself.

Wishin things get better for you, Son.


----------



## SpikeC (Oct 17, 2012)

Depends on the size of the cat...............


----------



## SpikeC (Oct 17, 2012)

Catarnitas?


----------



## hax9215 (Oct 17, 2012)

The day may come, for whatever reason - rioting, pestilence, famine, or just plain curiosity - you will need to eat a cat. Your very survival may depend on this handy guide. 
PREPARING YOUR CAT FOR CONSUMPTION
Since cat meat isn't commercially available in the United States (and illegal to boot), you'll probably have to prepare cat yourself. If you live in the more enlightened domains of East Asia, and can purchase cat at the local market, you may want to skip this step and proceed to COOKING YOUR CAT.

First, get a large cutting board and lay out your cat. Lop off the head, the tail and the feet with a sharp butcher's knife. These parts of the cat contain little usable meat, so toss them aside.

Next, make a longitudinal incision on the cat's abdomen. Reach your hand (wear gloves!) into the body cavity, and remove all of the internal organs. Discard them- especially the liver. It may look tasty, but the liver of a felis domesticus is frequently too toxic for human consumption.

SKINNING YOUR CAT
Theres more than one way to skin a cat- our exhaustive research uncovered two. On this site, two High School students meticulously guide you step-by-step through skinning a cat - complete with diagrams. To summarize, use a sharp knife to trim off the skin, and pull it back, snipping away at the muscle tissue. 

Gourmands like to skin their cats differently. They hate shun using a skining knife, calling it crude. They reccomend you grab the loose skin around the head stump, and using a pair of pliers, peel it back off the carcass like a banana, rolling it off the body. The final step before cooking is to wash the meat of stray gristle and hairs. Nobody likes cat hair in their food.

COOKING YOUR CAT
Now you are ready to cook! One USENET account recommends placing a cat in a very high powered magnetron microwave. This device supposedly can cook a cat in approximately 10 minutes- the proteins are denatured (cooked), and sugars caramelized by microwave heating. The cat may be "cooked" but will it taste good? If you've ever tried to microwave a raw hamburger, you'll know the answer is "no." For the best taste, our reader inquired about possibly slow cooking a feline. That's exactly what we at PWEETA recommend- a slow cooked Beer Roasted Cat. Other cat recipes you may enjoy are classic Cat Tamales, Cat in Spicy Ginger Sauce, and Cat Au Gratin.

BEER ROASTED CAT
1 cat cut into roast
1 can of Campbell's Cream of Mushroom soup
1 cube of beef bouillon
1 clove of garlic
1 Fine Irish Stout, a lot like a popular dark Irish Beer®, but NOT that brand at their lawyers' request. They alledge this article, educating others in the legal eating habits of over 100 million people world-wide, and specifically in rising East Asian markets, is "highly offensive." 

Cover and soak cat roast in salt water for 24 hours. Drain water and then cover and soak in beer for 6 hours. Drain and place in crock pot with your cans of soup. Add a clove of garlic, and a cube of beef bouillon. If you start to slow cook your cat in the morning with your George Foreman Cooker (or it's ilk), you'll have finely cooked feline in time for supper.

If a slow cooker is not available, a cat can be baked at 350 degrees for 2-3 hours in a conventional oven and still come out pretty good. Beer Roasted Cat is fantastic served with mashed potatoes, collard greens, and fresh, homemade egg rolls. When planning a full meal just remember- cat is a course best served hot!

Cat may not be the most glamorous, or tastiest of game meats, but with a little thought and preparation, Baked Cat can make the belly of the persnicketiest diner glow with home baked goodness.


I personally have not tried this recipe, but I do read it to my Siamese from time to time.

Hax the Cook CLEAVERS RULE!!!


----------



## knyfeknerd (Oct 17, 2012)

Wouldn't you have killed the cat the was pissing all over the place first? 
I hate to say it, but me and several others laughed heartily at your story today Son. You always weave a great tale.
I guess it's kinda funny how life takes a giant dump on you sometimes.........
........the most unfunny part was your heart attack, I hope your overall health improves Son.


didn't they make musical instrument strings out of cat's gut back in the day?


----------



## SpikeC (Oct 17, 2012)

One should never waste the head. There is good meat there, especially the cheeks!


----------



## sachem allison (Oct 17, 2012)

As some one who has eaten cat , it really isn't that bad. kind of a white meat with a soft chicken like texture. By the way never eat at a Chinese restaurant in Mexicali. It ain't chicken. you will notice in a city of almost a million people no stray cats walking around in Chinatown.


----------



## add (Oct 17, 2012)

sachem allison said:


> ... she is getting rid of the two feral cats and giving one of the other cats to her sister, so we will be down to one. *Now I just have to figure out how to get rid of that one*.



pm for details....




I kid, I kid.


----------



## hax9215 (Oct 18, 2012)

Son have you ever had Cho Sao Xa Ot? I had a freind whose wife made some for a dinner I was invited to. I ate enogh to be polite, but did not clean my plate as I was afraid it would be construed as a request for more. It was certainly tasty with the lemon grass and chiles, but I could not get past the idea. Purley a cultural taboo, but not something I would want again.

Hax the Cook CLEAVERS RULE!!!


----------



## ecchef (Oct 18, 2012)




----------



## Johnny.B.Good (Oct 18, 2012)

Glad you made it through the week, Son.

What a story!


----------



## apicius9 (Oct 18, 2012)

Some guys have all the fun...  But seriously, take care of yourself. I would say come to Hawaii because it's more relaxed, but broke and Hawaii don't mix well... Oh, and I am a dog person, so I don't care how many cats you kill 

Stefan


----------



## sachem allison (Oct 18, 2012)

hax9215 said:


> Son have you ever had Cho Sao Xa Ot? I had a freind whose wife made some for a dinner I was invited to. I ate enogh to be polite, but did not clean my plate as I was afraid it would be construed as a request for more. It was certainly tasty with the lemon grass and chiles, but I could not get past the idea. Purley a cultural taboo, but not something I would want again.
> 
> Hax the Cook CLEAVERS RULE!!!



That is more a North Vietnamese Thing, most of the Vietnamese I grew up with were from South Vietnam and that really doesn't fly around them. They always call Northern Vietnamese dog eaters. lol I have eaten it among some very old school traditional Native Cheyenne and I have had puppy soup during a Kickapoo ceremony, both times refusing would have been a great,great insult as they were for very traditional and old ceremonies. The elders and the shamans would have been shamed and insulted and my standing in the community would have ended. I really didn't care for it as, I found the meat to be rather stringy and a little greasy, except the puppy, it was so tender the meat just fell off the bone. It was a puppy after all.


----------



## WildBoar (Oct 18, 2012)

Mmmm, dog veal :cheffry:

:justkidding:

although I grew up around dogs and cats, we did not have any pets other then fish until we took in a stray cat when I was about 12 or 13. We had 1-2 cats for the next dozen or so years. I've been pet-free ever since. But the nice thing about a cat was it could be left alone for a day or so, which is much harder to do with a dog -- at least in the area where I live -- as you will get locked up in jail if you leave a dog tied up outside all day long. But I guess that's still better then leaving a dog tied up outside, then returning at the end of the day and finding out your neighbor ate it.


----------



## Salty dog (Oct 18, 2012)

Not a great week for me either. My Sous Chef of 8 years gave notice. Oh, and my wife of 26 filed for divorce.


----------



## Mike9 (Oct 18, 2012)

Son - I hope things turn around for ya and damn Salty that's a tough one/two punch to take. That makes my hitting a deer last week seem trivial. And I thought that whole "retrograde" thing had moved on by now . . . .


----------



## mr drinky (Oct 18, 2012)

Son, because of this thread and all talk of cats, I kept dreaming I had a cat last night and walking around the house looking for it in my sleep. Finally, when I started to suspect that I don't own a cat, I woke my wife up at 2:00 am and asked her, "Do we own a cat?" She confirmed that we do not have a cat and I went back to sleep. I'm just glad I wasn't looking for a midnight snack 

k.


----------



## tk59 (Oct 18, 2012)

I woke up a little down this morning. This was a little dose of perspective. I hope things work out for the best.


----------



## sachem allison (Oct 18, 2012)

Salty dog said:


> Not a great week for me either. My Sous Chef of 8 years gave notice. Oh, and my wife of 26 filed for divorce.



Hope things get better, my friend.


----------



## sachem allison (Oct 18, 2012)

mr drinky said:


> Son, because of this thread and all talk of cats, I kept dreaming I had a cat last night and walking around the house looking for it in my sleep. Finally, when I started to suspect that I don't own a cat, I woke my wife up at 2:00 am and asked her, "Do we own a cat?" She confirmed that we do not have a cat and I went back to sleep. I'm just glad I wasn't looking for a midnight snack
> 
> k.


Almost picked you up a berkel model 7 today. while I was reaching into get my wallet someone else came in and offered twice the price that was listed and the guy sold it to him. what happened to the days when you sealed the deal with a handshake? Bastards!


----------



## El Pescador (Oct 18, 2012)

Time to get a new room mate. Five cats...she needs to live alone.


----------



## sachem allison (Oct 18, 2012)

4 now.lol


----------



## El Pescador (Oct 18, 2012)

exactly. Spinster status.


----------



## AFKitchenknivesguy (Oct 18, 2012)

I can't stand roomates or cats. Good luck.


----------



## Lucretia (Oct 18, 2012)

*NOEZ!!!!!* Dontz eatz mee!

(Sorry you guys are having such a bad week!)


----------



## Lucretia (Oct 18, 2012)

ecchef said:


> View attachment 10700



:lol2:


----------



## sachem allison (Oct 18, 2012)

Lucretia said:


> View attachment 10707
> 
> 
> 
> ...



actually the cat is white and looks alot like that one


----------



## Benuser (Oct 18, 2012)

Unintentionally, I thought: félin à l'orange.


----------



## Salty dog (Oct 18, 2012)

I just recieved the best news possible. My Sous Chef is staying.

Now what to do with my free time?


----------



## SpikeC (Oct 18, 2012)

Go riding?


----------



## Johnny.B.Good (Oct 18, 2012)

Salty dog said:


> Now what to do with my free time?



Instructional cooking, cutting, and sharpening videos?


----------



## add (Oct 18, 2012)

Woo back the missus?


----------



## The hekler (Oct 18, 2012)

Son, sorry to hear you have had a rough week, that being said for the time it took me to read though this thread it grew from 3 to 6 pages long. If that doesn't show the esteem that this community hold you in I don't know anything that will. It sucks having a rough time, but we have all been there (minus the heart attack though) hope things even out for you and if nothing else the powers that be owe you many easy years ahead. 
Salty glad to hear you sous chef is staying, but the rest still sucks, hope things start looking better for you too!


----------



## Lucretia (Oct 18, 2012)

Can't eat this one. We need her to protect us from peafowl. And zombies.



​


----------



## sachem allison (Oct 18, 2012)

yea but pea fowl is tasty and brains are always a treat. umm zombies!


----------



## Salty dog (Oct 18, 2012)

add said:


> Woo back the missus?



Umm, no.


----------



## DeepCSweede (Oct 19, 2012)

Salty dog said:


> I just recieved the best news possible. My Sous Chef is staying.
> 
> Now what to do with my free time?



Well let's see - Highs in the 50's this weekend will allow for a few days of good riding and you own guns, so burn off a few rounds at the range. There you go.


----------



## Deckhand (Oct 19, 2012)

Son,
Been following this sent you a PM. See you haven't been on since last night. Hope you are O.K. Health wise right now. I worry when you disappear.


----------



## Benuser (Oct 19, 2012)

Son is at work.


----------



## Deckhand (Oct 19, 2012)

Benuser said:


> Son is at work.



Yep, just talked with him.


----------



## mr drinky (Oct 20, 2012)

add said:


> Woo back the missus?





Salty dog said:


> Umm, no.



This wins for most said in the least amount of words. 

k.


----------



## NO ChoP! (Oct 28, 2012)

Scott always had a knack for summing things up in very simple terms....

Son, stop eating pets, and add some oats to the diet...

Scott, hope all is well...miss our regular bar chats.


----------



## sachem allison (Oct 31, 2012)

So, the month keeps getting better. Got strep throat and pneumonia, Hurricane hit, Restaurant is flooded and power is out, being docked a weeks pay because of the hurricane and my roommate found one of the feral cats dead on the dining room floor for no apparent reason. We tore the house apart looking to see if they got into anything or found a poisoned mouse or something but, no go. I suspect heart worms personally. She is going to get the other cats checked out and hopefully for them it's not too late. Two down, Three to go.


----------



## hax9215 (Oct 31, 2012)

You do realize, catkiller, that this being Halloween the spirits of those two cats are coming for you tonight?

Hax the Cook CLEAVERS RULE!!!


----------



## DeepCSweede (Oct 31, 2012)

and here I was starting to feel sorry for myself...we had two of our experienced accountants give notice this week and the managing partner is seriously considering not replacing them until late next year. Between new baby and now this, I think I can kiss sleep goodbye. 

Son - glad to see you made it through the storm alright. Take it easy for a few days and get healthy. F the cats, who cares about them anyways.


----------



## Benuser (Nov 1, 2012)

I wouldn't kill and eat them though as long as you're not sure about them being in good health.


----------



## Carl (Nov 1, 2012)

Salty, damn man, I feel for you. I don't know what your spousal relationship was like, but I know how I would feel, and it would suck worse than anything ever. As for the sous, take the chance to get yourself some time off, and then maybe a reward for the sous.

Son, if you wrote a book I would read it, seriously. You tell such a great story, even though the living of it has got to suck as well. The part that kicks me the hardest was your heart attack in the midst of it all. You seem very calm, where I certainly would not be.

My truck broke. big whoop. I got a replacement. There's my sob story. HA! You guys just plain rock.


----------



## Lucretia (Nov 6, 2012)

Hidden camera shows what's really going on in Son's kitchen:


----------



## Crothcipt (Nov 7, 2012)

That cat looks pissed.


----------

