# head shake moments



## panda

lets share some funny moments you've experienced from your crew.

today i found out they were using a bain marie filled with duck fat thinking it was clarified butter (despite the clearly marked label)

pancakes must have tasted a bit weird this morning...


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## JBroida

if by weird, you mean good, then i agree... better living through duck fat 

Its like a twist on chicken and waffles


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## panda

that's exactly what i thought, haha, i bet the grilled cheeses tasted excellent too.


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## marc4pt0

This is funny as I was just regaling this tell earlier today-

Busy Saturday night Many years ago. I'm on saute getting my **** pushed in when I looked over and noticed the Pot & Pan Dishwasher was no longer at his station. Not good as I was just about out of clean pans. A couple minutes later and still no Dishwasher, and now I need pans. So lucky me, I got to scrub pans as I needed them pretty much the rest of the evening. Needless to say we were all pissed of cursing his name. 
Well, right before service wrapped up, our little dishwasher reappeared. Of course I led the yelling, but his reaction wasn't matching the scenario so I asked one of my guys to translate what I was screaming. Then a big conversation in Spanish took place, most of it going over my head. Come to find out, He was very apologetic. And this is why:

The big metal Bain we skim the fat off veal stock was full of this warm, delicious golden....fat. It was calling our dishwasher's name, so he gave in and just took a big ol' glass of this tasty goodness to the face. Just slammed it! And just as service started to pick up, my man shat his pants. Just completely crapped his trousers. So he had to waddle downstairs, through the restaurant and bar, and all the way home to clean up/change.

Here's the thing, you just can't stay mad at a grown man who just told you he's very sorry for drinking veal fat and crapping his pants.

Cheers guys


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## panda

soooo gross, not the crapping part but him chugging a glass of the foam!


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## jared08

That's epic. Great story hahaa


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## Von blewitt

Good on him for coming back!


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## toddnmd

Von blewitt said:


> Good on him for coming back!



and telling the truth, even!


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## Boondocker

To be fair it does smell REALLY good. If its just the fat...


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## chefcomesback

:rofl2: 
We did a soft opening on a cafe not long ago and with the opening of a new venue I started writing right next staff's hours where they were working like : cafe , rest. , func etc..
I had a real serious phone call from my apprentice 2 days later who was due in next day:
"chef , you put me as a rest day tomorrow , can I rest at home or do I Really have to come in? "
me " no mate , I have to make sure you are resting ,you have to be here , make sure you are wearing your chef outfit"
my apprentice " how long will I rest , all day ?"
at that moment I couldnt hold my laugh .... my entire kitchen crew who were listening the conversation were :lol2: :rofl2:


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## jai

Id be confused aswell ive never seen a roster with rest day on it haha.


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## cheflivengood

I had some unfortunate time in a hotel...the servers there are union and make 100+k a year. One time one of them walked into the cooler to find strawberry/banana smoothie and instead grabbed a 8qt labeled "Cognac!!". Turns out it was Cognac vinaigrette. the guest took a few big gulps then of course coughed it up, got all over her face and the front of her shirt. No repercussions for the server....damn unions


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## labor of love

A chef I worked for a long time ago was a self absorbed born again christian. This dude had actually xeroxed a bunch of photos of himself wearing nothing but underwear, and he would proceed to draw different religious tattoos that he contemplated getting all over his body in the xeroxed copies. He would then judge the photos of himself again wearing nothing but underwear, covered in christian tattoos and ask the rest of the line what our opinion was. None of this was tongue in cheek or meant as self deprecating humor, but rather he was dead serious if the tats he doodled all over his photos looked nice or not. This occurred over and over again, ON THE LINE in front of the staff. I jumped ship shortly after.


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## CoqaVin

definitely weird Labor


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## panda

good thing you got out, next step was probably an offer of a drink out of a special cup.


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## Zwiefel

CoqaVin said:


> definitely weird Labor



This is actually a clever pun.


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## cheflivengood

labor of love said:


> A chef I worked for a long time ago was a self absorbed born again christian. This dude had actually xeroxed a bunch of photos of himself wearing nothing but underwear, and he would proceed to draw different religious tattoos that he contemplated getting all over his body in the xeroxed copies. He would then judge the photos of himself again wearing nothing but underwear, covered in christian tattoos and ask the rest of the line what our opinion was. None of this was tongue in cheek or meant as self deprecating humor, but rather he was dead serious if the tats he doodled all over his photos looked nice or not. This occurred over and over again, ON THE LINE in front of the staff. I jumped ship shortly after.



Rick tramonto?


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## Bonertyme

caught someone trying to use julienne onions to try make risotto.


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## Cashn

Bartender asked me if she could have buffalo sauce without the butter....I manage the Foh and just kind of looked at her funny and said "you mean straight crystal?" I've cooked in a few restaurant kitchens and cook at home all the time so I guess it gives me a slight one up but it still surprises me how often someone in FoH does not understand some of the basic fundamentals of cooking. Even something as simple as buffalo sauce.


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## aaamax

marc4pt0 said:


> ...Here's the thing, you just can't stay mad at a grown man who just told you he's very sorry for drinking veal fat and crapping his pants.
> 
> Cheers guys



Truly made me laugh, thanks.


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## Dardeau

cheflivengood said:


> Rick tramonto?



I don't know if that's who LoL is talking about, but good guess


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## Keith Sinclair

Our front line cold kitchen guy was not one to be pushed around and he had a mouth. The head storeroom man got a late order so when he delivered it came with attitude. He dropped the case of lettuce right on the floor of front line. Not there you dummy in the walk in cooler. Storeroom %#* you. Never saw a fat storeroom guy run so fast being chased by a hot head with a knife.

Later chapter daytime Gardemanger in the weeds trying to get out banquets asked the same hothead to help by cutting up a couple large platters of sliced fruits. *%@$ you not going to help, if you work faster no get stuck.

Gardemanger I'm not afraid of you no knives just me & you we go outside no weapons strip down to our BBD's beef it out. That guy never outlived teasing about his underware beef threat.


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## ChefJimbo

Working in a hotel with 2 seperate kitchens, one on the main floor and one on the 12th floor with a ***** of a kitchen tucked away in the back corner of the 12th floor.
All the dishwashers hated working up there because alot of the larger pots,pans etc, neede to be carted downstairs after service. All except one guy, he loved it. For the life of me, I could never figure out why,but one night I had left my knife roll in my office and the next day had an off site party, so after being away for like 3 hours returned to the kitchen to find only the rear of the kitchen lit, the radio on low and singing coming from the back.
Lo and behold here is the dishwasher, steam kettle 3/4 full, soapy water everywhere, butt ass naked taking a bath in the kettle.

Now I know why he loved it so much!!:bigeek:

True story.

Jimbo


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## Ceramik

I was working IRD; the walk-in was about half way across the hotel so I ran over there to grab some product and as I come around the corner I see another IRD cook just standing in front of a tilt skillet, **** in his hand, pissing in the floor drain... Come to find out I wasn't the first one to catch him in the act. Union house though, so whatcha going to do?


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## drake

Watching a prep cook take off a pot of stock only to pour it through the chinois and right down the drain. DOH!


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## JLaz

One stagier sprayed the floor for the first time only to realize the hose was facing right at him...


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## robzilla

In my oldest brother's deli, our middle brother dumped soup bones in the toilet.


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## spoiledbroth

I watched one exec chef shoot quat 400 into a live electrical socket and then jam a rag into it. Always ripe for a laugh, that fellow.


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## Cutting_Edge

Managed a Denny's.Walked in at 3am to catch up on paperwork. Resturant was empty. Walked into the back and found the line cook and waitress having sex on a prep table.Also had a dishwasher that ate off the plates that came in tubs to be scraped and washed. He wouldn't stop doing it even though I fed him a meal every shift.


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## JaVa

Our excecutive chef was making a mudcake and in his haste accidentally mixed in the dough white pepper powder instead of vanilla sugar. He didn't even realize his mistake before the first piece went out.


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## lumo

Last night...hostess files a complaint that the kitchen crew stares at her and makes her feel uncomfortable when she walks through the kitchen...she generally wears the shortest mini skirts, low cut crop tops or booty shorts full of rips with her cheeks hanging out! Now I have zero tolerance for lewd, inappropriate or offensive behavior and expect my team to behave as gentleman and ladies when we have company in the kitchen, but really...!?! You're just looking for attention when you dress a certain way and if it comes by way of someone you don't like, a creepy looking person or someone that doesn't speak English it's a problem.


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## CoqaVin

^^ This, the hostesses where I work, dress pretty loosely


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## Mucho Bocho

lumo said:


> Last night...hostess files a complaint that the kitchen crew stares at her and makes her feel uncomfortable when she walks through the kitchen...she generally wears the shortest mini skirts, low cut crop tops or booty shorts full of rips with her cheeks hanging out! Now I have zero tolerance for lewd, inappropriate or offensive behavior and expect my team to behave as gentleman and ladies when we have company in the kitchen, but really...!?! You're just looking for attention when you dress a certain way and if it comes by way of someone you don't like, a creepy looking person or someone that doesn't speak English it's a problem.



Lumo, it still doesn't give you to act on your judgement. To judge is human nature. Hey it's a pretty strong survival skill. The difference is when you decide to act. Just because I ain't down with someone's attire when they wear their paints under their asses in public. I try not to remind them their a dumb ass. I'm successful at this task most of the time ;-)

At Bush Gardens this weekend I saw so many people with huge discs in their ears. Some an inch in diameter. This is voluntary in 2016 but Even though it that ain't my thing, I say to each their own.


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## brainsausage

Yeah, I hate to say it, but some of the other comments smack of the ****** old 'She was asking for it' crap. I'm covered in tattoos. Which doesn't give you a license to blatantly stare, or worse actually walk up and grab my arm so you can get a better look(which has happened on more than one occasion).
On Monday I went swimming on a lake, that is reasonably public, and has some more secluded spots that can accommodate a few people to store their belongings and hang out comfortably. A female couple showed up right next to our spot with a very friendly and delightful dog in tow while I and my friends were enjoying the water. They commenced to strip down naked unabashedly and hopped in the water, and swim around for a bit. SOMEHOW, the 3 males in my group(as well as the one female), managed to not stare at them the entire time, or make ****** comments.


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## LifeByA1000Cuts

OK, barging in on a pro thread again ... just wondering why the middle ground of "none of their business what you display, none of yours how they look at it" has become so deserted in this and related discussions  I always say, if I was, for example, wearing a t shirt of a boxing gym, I would totally have to expect strangers to approach and want to have a friendly chat about boxing, maybe even state an unambigously friendly and optional challenge.. that no license is implied to threaten or attack me should be so obvious...


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## ecchef

Why doesn't management simply impose a dress/grooming code and enforce it? 
If you allow or encourage your staff to project a certain image, then deal with the fallout.

Certain cultures have carried this 'individualism' too far. "Do as thou wilt" and expect no reaction? I call BS. 
Wanna swim naked in public because it's you 'right'? It's my right to observe absolutely anything in my field of vision. Don't like it? Buy a swimsuit. And wear it.
Got lots of ink/piercings/etc.? Expect stares or even comments. Or cover it up. I do when the situation requires it. It's an individual's choice to display to whatever degree the bodily modifications they've made. Why should somebody else's rights be infringed upon because you don't like the attention it draws? 

Not to single out Josh or alienate him, but there's a huge gap between eyeballing someone who's (by choice) scantily clad and sexual assault.


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## PieMan

Doing the catering for a corporate event at a castle, using a 500 year old cellar as a make-shift kitchen, head-chef is having a go at one of the preppers for whatever reason (too busy doing my own thing), he turns around, tells chef to stuff his job, throws his apron at him, storms out the door, smacks his head on the lower than normal door frame and knock himself clean out.


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## daveb

"Glance and look away."


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## alterwisser

ecchef said:


> Why doesn't management simply impose a dress/grooming code and enforce it?
> If you allow or encourage your staff to project a certain image, then deal with the fallout.
> 
> Certain cultures have carried this 'individualism' too far. "Do as thou wilt" and expect no reaction? I call BS.
> Wanna swim naked in public because it's you 'right'? It's my right to observe absolutely anything in my field of vision. Don't like it? Buy a swimsuit. And wear it.
> Got lots of ink/piercings/etc.? Expect stares or even comments. Or cover it up. I do when the situation requires it. It's an individual's choice to display to whatever degree the bodily modifications they've made. Why should somebody else's rights be infringed upon because you don't like the attention it draws?
> 
> Not to single out Josh or alienate him, but there's a huge gap between eyeballing someone who's (by choice) scantily clad and sexual assault.



Fully agree! I'm sorry, but 99.9% of people dressing a certain way know that this will cause people to look. So you're either ok with that or you actually want to provoke this whole "don't you dare look at my you pig, even though I dress in a way that you really cannot look away".

And there's a difference between looking and staring for minutes, drooling, making remarks etc...

The other day I saw a 6'1ish woman with zebra print yoga pants and a sports bra in a store. The bra, I'm not even sure it was a sports bra. It was basically a super thin fabric, tight shirt that was cut off below the breasts. You could clearly see her boobs, and the nipples... And it was soooo see trough that you were able to make out the tattoo on her breast...

Ah, she was also wearing super high heels. EVERYONE in the store stared. Men, women, kids...


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## brainsausage

daveb said:


> "Glance and look away."



This was my point exactly. A modicum of self control, and a drop of couth goes a long way in my book.


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## brainsausage

ecchef said:


> Why doesn't management simply impose a dress/grooming code and enforce it?
> If you allow or encourage your staff to project a certain image, then deal with the fallout.
> 
> Certain cultures have carried this 'individualism' too far. "Do as thou wilt" and expect no reaction? I call BS.
> Wanna swim naked in public because it's you 'right'? It's my right to observe absolutely anything in my field of vision. Don't like it? Buy a swimsuit. And wear it.
> Got lots of ink/piercings/etc.? Expect stares or even comments. Or cover it up. I do when the situation requires it. It's an individual's choice to display to whatever degree the bodily modifications they've made. Why should somebody else's rights be infringed upon because you don't like the attention it draws?
> 
> Not to single out Josh or alienate him, but there's a huge gap between eyeballing someone who's (by choice) scantily clad and sexual assault.



I agree on your last point, and I wasn't trying to say that was the case here by any means. It's just a tad lazy to imply the staff wasn't able to control themselves based on visual stimuli. I also agree with the dress code suggestion. Meant to bring it up in my prior post. And yes- I observed said naked swimmers, we all did. We just didn't ogle, or cat call.


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## ecchef

You're right Josh, I should have addressed the "self control" topic. :spankarse: It is the flip side of the personal freedom coin for sure.
Didn't mean to come across as a d-bag. Maybe because _my_ world is so regulated these days that I forget what the real world is like.
I probably go through more SAPR training in a year than most people do in a lifetime. And yet it doesn't seem very effective. There are always incidents...


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## brainsausage

ecchef said:


> You're right Josh, I should have addressed the "self control" topic. :spankarse: It is the flip side of the personal freedom coin for sure.
> Didn't mean to come across as a d-bag. Maybe because _my_ world is so regulated these days that I forget what the real world is like.
> I probably go through more SAPR training in a year than most people do in a lifetime. And yet it doesn't seem very effective. There are always incidents...



No d-bag flags popped up in my view buddy


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## Chef Doom

brainsausage said:


> This was my point exactly. A modicum of self control, and a drop of couth goes a long way in my book.



I'm sorry, but if I'm at the beach and a female couple strip down nude and head into the water, I'm treating it like a free strip club at the beach. It gets old after five, maybe ten minutes of staring anyways. I refuse to look while pretending that I'm not looking. Or worse, pretend that the pink elephant is not in the room. I call that a slippery slope.


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## Chef Doom

Wait, I should ask...were the ladies in question attractive? From the looks of your story, it seems to me that they were either fat, or ugly, or both?


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## skewed

Chef Doom said:


> ...pretend that the pink elephant is not in the room.



Nice euphemism.


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## lumo

brainsausage said:


> This was my point exactly. A modicum of self control, and a drop of couth goes a long way in my book.





daveb said:


> "Glance and look away."



Agreed, agreed, like I said I expect my teams to act like gentleman, ladies and professionals. Not judging her negatively at all, she's actually very bright and pleasant.
We do ask staff to not wear their street clothes in the dining room or kitchen but things are a little looser while we go through orientation and preopening.


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## brainsausage

Chef Doom said:


> Wait, I should ask...were the ladies in question attractive? From the looks of your story, it seems to me that they were either fat, or ugly, or both?



I had some how forgotten how classy you are when it comes to discussing members of the (presumably) opposite sex.


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## brainsausage

lumo said:


> Agreed, agreed, like I said I expect my teams to act like gentleman, ladies and professionals. Not judging her negatively at all, she's actually very bright and pleasant.
> We do ask staff to not wear their street clothes in the dining room or kitchen but things are a little looser while we go through orientation and preopening.




Where in Boston are you working(you can send a PM if you'd rather not post)? I'm gonna be down there next weekend with Panda...


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## lumo

ok back on topic....

The staff bathrooms here have the lights on timers. So so this server last night was caught in there with the lights out, frozen, junk in hand saying thank goodness someone came in and turned the lights on. I was afraid to p____ and didn't know how I'd get out of here!


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## lumo

I work for a Boston based company and live there but I'm in DC on the last day of training for an opening.


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## WildBoar

lumo said:


> I work for a Boston based company and live there but I'm in DC on the last day of training for an opening.


Is this Casolare?


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## panda

i've been in position where professionalism is mandatory, but that's not really me. i'm a filterless not give a F kind of dude, so i should really find a restaurant that facilities such personalities (or the owner will look the other way while i instill a raucous culture).

so with that said, i'm with chef doom on this one.


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## lumo

WildBoar said:


> Is this Casolare?



Yup!


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## LifeByA1000Cuts

Sorry but not sorry to barge in again - the idea of different workplaces having relevantly different cultures is so 90s, I guess it is considered a hallmark of worker oppression nowadays  God forbid people choose to work or not work for a certain employer due to culture, it messes up the political image of all work being wage slavery with unified standards, and all workers being victims dependent on the oversight of politics for their salvation, up terribly.
And I say that as somebody with a lot of leftist and punk spice in his marinade. Ashamed of that fact these days.


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## PieMan

Try and be anything but completely and utterly professional in a French kitchen. Dare ya. Once word gets around, you will not be hired anywhere.


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## Rivera

PieMan said:


> Try and be anything but completely and utterly professional in a French kitchen. Dare ya. Once word gets around, you will not be hired anywhere.



I'm with PieMan on this one. Having worked in a few French Kitchens they are very disciplined. However, I believe if you pull through all the tough times you can learn a lot from French Chefs. They are very talented at least in my opinion.


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## jbl

JaVa said:


> Our excecutive chef was making a mudcake and in his haste accidentally mixed in the dough white pepper powder instead of vanilla sugar. He didn't even realize his mistake before the first piece went out.



An executive chef who A makes mudcake and B doesn't taste what he makes before serving to customers... how is he an executive anything? You guys Stateside sure love the word 'executive', even to describe just what Europeans would describe as a head chef. Over here, you're only Executive if you are supervising a chain of restaurants and hotels...


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## skewed

jbl said:


> You guys Stateside sure love the word 'executive', even to describe just what Europeans would describe as a head chef. Over here, you're only Executive if you are supervising a chain of restaurants and hotels...



You are very correct. I think it is an attempt to justify the salary exemption when often it is a very empty title. In the assisted living/retirement industry here in the states it is usually a hands on position pulling shifts with very little control over menu/hiring/firing. Not really what the overtime exemption law was made to cover. I agree with your definition.

Cheers,
rj


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## spoiledbroth

my understanding is that in europe everyone who isn't commis pay grade is considered a chef and can be referred to as such, here that would be a real faux pas or someone is taking the piss out of you if they are calling you chef and you're not.


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## jbl

Yeah, everyone who is in charge of a section - a Chef de Partie, and up. The French system.


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## spoiledbroth

lol cdp, wankers -_-


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## PieMan

Chef is the French word for Chief. It just means they're the chief of that section.


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## JDA_NC

Here's a fun one....

Health inspection this morning. I was forced to pour bleach on roughly $6k worth of perfectly fine sushi grade tuna. Otoro, Chutoro, and Akami.

Plenty of fish in the sea........ right?


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## brainsausage

JDA_NC said:


> Here's a fun one....
> 
> Health inspection this morning. I was forced to pour bleach on roughly $6k worth of perfectly fine sushi grade tuna. Otoro, Chutoro, and Akami.
> 
> Plenty of fish in the sea........ right?



What was it flagged for?


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## b2kk258

JDA_NC said:


> Here's a fun one....
> 
> Health inspection this morning. I was forced to pour bleach on roughly $6k worth of perfectly fine sushi grade tuna. Otoro, Chutoro, and Akami.
> 
> Plenty of fish in the sea........ right?



I seriously want to cry...


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## JDA_NC

brainsausage said:


> What was it flagged for?



I don't know the specific citation yet. I'm interested in finding out.

We have a blast chiller/freezer that the sushi team uses for fish (especially fatty ones like tuna). It gets down to around -40 and fast. I don't know why but when our tuna comes in and sushi breaks it down/portions it out, they freeze the blocks without it being covered in plastic wrap. I can speak first hand that this is the best fish I've ever seen and without question the best sushi I've ever had. I'm not a sushi chef or expert in the slightest... but it is really, really, really nice fish. Freezing the tuna without plastic-wrap doesn't affect the quality at all in my experience. 

But we got knocked for the unwrapped tuna in the blast chiller. And the inspector requested that I not just throw the tuna away, but that I had to pour bleach on it before hand (or dish soap!) so that it was completely unserveable. So yeah. Not just some of the most amazing fish I've ever seen, but also of a species that sadly is being horribly overfished and probably won't be around for too much longer... and I've got to pour bleach on it.


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## brainsausage

I had a buddy who worked in SF in the early 2000's. Health inspector shows up, and finds a whole prime rib resting in the prep area, and says they have to cut it into 3"x3" chunks so it cools faster... Idiocy. Sheer idiocy.


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## panda

People that don't seal cryobags properly and then just leave it full of air..


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## aboynamedsuita

JDA_NC said:


> Here's a fun one....
> 
> Health inspection this morning. I was forced to pour bleach on roughly $6k worth of perfectly fine sushi grade tuna. Otoro, Chutoro, and Akami.
> 
> Plenty of fish in the sea........ right?



That is disgraceful I actually just read a local news article that'd put things in perspective for what a Heath inspector ought to do. The remind me of OHS officers who show up to job sites

EDIT
http://www.cbc.ca/beta/news/canada/...t-down-following-health-inspections-1.3699495


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## spoiledbroth

they probably dont wrap because the saranwrap will insulate the tuna (higher in temp than the blast chiller) against the ambient temperature of the blast chiller, which means it will take longer to freeze, which means the ice crystals have a chance to become much bigger and in turn ruin the texture/mouthfeel of the tuna.


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## spoiledbroth

tasted some f**ked up looking baked oysters today BEFORE realizing they were two weeks past due. Only had a fingertipful but damn do I feel like **** already (8 hours on)


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## LifeByA1000Cuts

So for the next time, try to concoct a sauce that will smell like dish soap and tastes delicious on the fish 

...

"oops, sorry for spilling the undiluted bleach on your clothes, inspector..."


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## joshsy81

I had one of the owners tell me I have higher standards on food, cleanliness and overall organization than he does smh. Time to start looking around.


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## ecchef

JDA_NC said:


> Here's a fun one....
> 
> Health inspection this morning. I was forced to pour bleach on roughly $6k worth of perfectly fine sushi grade tuna. Otoro, Chutoro, and Akami.
> 
> Plenty of fish in the sea........ right?



You should have put the inspector in the blast chiller. Tightly wrapped in cling film, of course.


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