# So the GF wants to use my knives...



## Anton (Mar 7, 2013)

Long time lurker and just becoming active on the forum....


The debacle is that GF and I moved in together a few months back, to this date I have kept my knives in the bag and pull these as needed, which lately is not that much... She currently has a block of your often found stamped SS knives, albeit I've sharpened these a bit - but I want to take these out of the kitchen... they just "muddle" things... 

The choices are, do we train or do we get a GF knife - a used TKC, Mac or something along these lines...The later may have some slight repercussions, such as "why can't I use the nice ones..." etc, although she won't actually say that cause she is an awesome girl in that respect, but we all know some girls may ponder over this for days. I honestly think she might be a little jealous because how much attention I give to them and how I "talk" about them...

I'm leaning towards showing her how to use them (except for the single bevels whites), but in the process, my very A-retentiveness may create some frustration... anyway I don't think I'm out of line. While every person is different, just curious if you had success with your significant other..


Some of the culprits:

DT 270 Suji 
DT 240 Gyuto 
Couple of Konosuke #2 
Moritaka petty and Gyuto 
Carter Nakiri


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## echerub (Mar 7, 2013)

I've had mixed results. 

My fiancee certainly doesn't love any of the knives and I wish she'd wipe 'em during and after use. She hasn't yet gotten used to the 240 gyutos, but is totally comfortable with the santokus. However, she freely admits that she's spoiled by having sharp knives and doesn't like using anyone else's knives! So... a bit of good and bad 

I say try to teach your girlfriend how to use and take care of the knives *and* get a stainless or semi-stainless knife of a type that she'll feel totally comfortable using. If you can encourage good technique, you will both be happier. Having a good knife that she's comfortable with means she'll get that good technique faster. It also means you would be totally justified to add another knife to the collection


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## gic (Mar 7, 2013)

Interesting, my GF is scared of my knives and won't touch them or learn how to use them. She uses (exclusively) I kid you not, a forschner serrated tomato/paring knife with a rounded point for essentially everything. It's painful to watch her use it on tasks it was never intended but I have learned to keep my mouth shut..

My advice: is figure out what she really wants and then do it, in the long run it works out the best


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## Benuser (Mar 7, 2013)

People shouldn't use eachother's knives, it's like fountain pens, they got set to the user. At least you may try this story. And get her a few decent blades, adapted to her hands...


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## Mike9 (Mar 7, 2013)

My wife doesn't use mine - I do most all of the cooking and she makes the fruit shakes, etc. She has several decent knives including a Shun santoku to use. It's really better that way and she has gotten into the habit of drying them after use. I think my 270's are too intimidating and that's a good thing IMO.


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## Basecadet (Mar 7, 2013)

My wife is terrified to use any of my larger blades. She got me a 240 Misono UX10 for Xmas a few years ago, she liked the look of it so I picked up a petty for her to use, she loves it. She is also very good about maintaining it and will remind me when the edge doesn't feel 100%. Makes for a very happy arrangement.


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## RCG (Mar 7, 2013)

My Other half won't touch my knives, but since I got them, I end up doing most of the prep work, so she is delighted.

I enjoy it, and she enjoys having everything ready.


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## JanusInTheGarden (Mar 7, 2013)

Wait, how do you guys get your sig others to cook? Mine says thats what I'm here for...


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## aser (Mar 7, 2013)

Buy a 210 gyuto that isn't a laser, like tojiro dp or something. Sharpen it like you would any of your other knives. Trust when I say your gf will gravitate toward that. 8" gyuto is ideal for an inexperienced home user.

My gf is intimidated by anything longer than that......cue jokes.

Your babies will remain safe. Well maybe she'll use your petty also as it's small and nimble.


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## EdipisReks (Mar 7, 2013)

i have a few small Shuns and L'economie knives set up for my wife. other than my Tojiro ITK bread knife, she is content to just use those. i would pick up a couple of decent knives for her.


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## wenus2 (Mar 7, 2013)

This was a fairly regular source of friction in my home for a while, especially following a crusty rusty Carter incident.

A couple things happened in my house, the most significant being that I've relaxed a bit. After having so many knives and sharpening and reprofiling you come to realize that even your nicest knife is just steel, she can't do anything to it in regular use that can't be fixed. Also of help, she has learned better habits over time with GENTLE suggestions here and there.

My ultimate solution... Buy her a knife as nice as mine are. So I bought her a 180 Mario and told her its hers, no complaining on my part, she can use it however she wants. I agreeed to keep it tuned up no questions asked. The unexpected result: she takes really good care of it. We've had no issues since.

Just remember you will go through dozens of knives in your life And only a couple of wives, so try to keep the peace.


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## playford (Mar 7, 2013)

What I'd do is dont cheap out, get a pierre or maybe an itou or something with a fancy handle but maybe a 180-210, that you had designed and made specially "just for her".

Carbon is always gonna end in tears.


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## mr drinky (Mar 7, 2013)

Get some nice stainless pairing knives that are for both of you. It will likely be that she will use these quite a bit. 

My wife also likes nakiris and santokus (those tosagata ones off of JWW). She always goes for those. If she needs something bigger there is an 8" forschner she uses. She also uses a bread knife. 

k.


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## RRLOVER (Mar 7, 2013)

Get her a NICE knife as a gift......It will pay off in the long run.


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## EdipisReks (Mar 7, 2013)

mr drinky said:


> Get some nice stainless pairing knives that are for both of you. It will likely that she will use these quite a bit.
> 
> My wife also likes nakiris and santokus (those tosagata ones off of JWW). She always goes for those. If she needs something bigger there is a 8" forschner she uses. She also uses a bread knife.
> 
> k.



i can't get my wife to dry off knives, but a 5.5 inch Shun classic santoku (my first good knife purchase!) and a bunch of other small stainless steel knives seems to do it. she doesn't want to use big knives, and the knives i use are all big. with the exception of that bread knife (which i wish she wouldn't use, as she always cuts up my boards, but i make a lot of rustic French bread, so just how it goes).


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## WildBoar (Mar 7, 2013)

My wife initially did not want to touch the 210 Hiro gateway J-knife i bought a few years ago. As I acquired more, she appreciated a paring and petty Pierre made (both stainless steel). Then she bought herself a Myabi, which she really liked. For a while... Then she realized she really didn't like that much heft or belly. She gravitated to the DT ITK 240 gyuto, which is stainless steel, although she does not use it enough to be comfortable with the length. Also had the 210 Hiro get the Dave Martell treatment and gave it to her, so she has her own very special knife. But she still tends to leave knives dirty, so she shies away from the Hiro unless she has a lot to prep. She no longer uses a 150 to cut most things, which is a huge step forward.

So I suggest going stainless, and in the 180-210 range (at least initially).


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## echerub (Mar 7, 2013)

Oh yeah, stainless is going to be a much easier transition and will be much easier on the relationship.


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## Anton (Mar 7, 2013)

echerub said:


> Oh yeah, stainless is going to be a much easier transition and will be much easier on the relationship.



Type of steel plays a part on the relationship, I fully agree with this, the question is how do we market this line...!


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## Mrmnms (Mar 7, 2013)

My wife prefers short, light weight, relatively tall knives. I keep them sharp for her. I do most of the cooking. She has no interest in my good knives. I stay away from her pocketbooks .


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## Anton (Mar 7, 2013)

wenus2 said:


> This was a fairly regular source of friction in my home for a while, especially following a crusty rusty Carter incident.
> 
> A couple things happened in my house, the most significant being that I've relaxed a bit. After having so many knives and sharpening and reprofiling you come to realize that even your nicest knife is just steel, she can't do anything to it in regular use that can't be fixed. Also of help, she has learned better habits over time with GENTLE suggestions here and there.
> 
> ...




Perhaps, this will make her equally responsible for her "nice" blade and she'll grow to appreciate it even more. Let's be honest most girls do take very good care of stuff if they have a vested interest in it. 

Maybe not a Mario but something that can be gifted... 

That being said, if we have kids all her attention will shift and I'm fairly sure she'll forget about it...


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## mano (Mar 7, 2013)

Let her use whatever she wants and she'll either pick some favorites or decide knives aren't her thing. If she gets into them teach her what she needs to know and leave her alone. Cook together and let her make good meals for you and let your anal retentive sh!t will drift away. Everyone's happy.


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## PierreRodrigue (Mar 7, 2013)

lol!! I got to keep some of my knives Dulled Down for the little lady, she get pissed when one of mine slices through the wash cloth, or she "looses" a hunk-o-nail. I get the "Your knives are too sharp, there is no need to keep them that sharp, whats wrong with you anyway?" So I go out in the shop, and make more sharp things! lol!


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## riba (Mar 8, 2013)

Any idea about what knife she actually uses the most? My lady has no problems with a Santoku (18cm), but a 19cm gyuto looks "too big" for her (implying it might the the case that she wouldn't even consider some of your larger knives). Now I have a yusuke gyuto (extra hardened Swedish steel) to play with myself though I intended it for her, pretty pleased with it myself 

I regret commenting on her not wiping my bluesteel petty (it rusts extremely fast (EDIT: I see the knife is also in your collection  )). In hindsight, I would actually encourage her to use any knife I own (and commenting only gives friction) and I would just live with the consequences (e.g. rust and chips (though I was happy that the edge held up pretty well a week ago when she was powering through some frozen streaky bacon)) and use it to learn what she likes. Observe what she likes and how she uses them, and then get her (not "gift her") a decent knife. My GF likes her knives sharp (took some time / fingercuts to get used to it though) but abuses them, I just started a thread to ask for recommendations for a decent petty and parer


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## kalaeb (Mar 8, 2013)

My wife knows my knives mean a lot to me so she respects them. She is allowed to and does use every knife in my collection. It is really only a problem when your favorite knife also becomes her favorite knife. Then the batlle for who gets THE knife during dinner prep begins.


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## Marko Tsourkan (Mar 8, 2013)

Or maybe you need to get Edlung KL-994 Locking Knife Cabinet
http://cdnimg.webstaurantstore.com/new/333klc994_xlg.jpg

It's constructed from heavy duty 14 gauge stainless steel with welded seams, and features a stainless steel piano hinge with tamper-proof screws. This hinge design eliminates *any chance* of access when closed, and a front view window permits immediate knife inspection.

Unless she takes a sledgehammer to it.


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## Amon-Rukh (Mar 8, 2013)

JanusInTheGarden said:


> Wait, how do you guys get your sig others to cook? Mine says thats what I'm here for...


Yup, that's pretty much how it works around here too! 

My wife won't use any of my carbon blades and tends to stay away from the nicer stainless ones too, although she has gotten more interested in knives since we've been together and now has a miyabi gyuto which she happily refers to as her "fancy knife."


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## don (Mar 8, 2013)

Marko Tsourkan said:


> Or maybe you need to get Edlung KL-994 Locking Knife Cabinet
> http://cdnimg.webstaurantstore.com/new/333klc994_xlg.jpg
> 
> It's constructed from heavy duty 14 gauge stainless steel with welded seams, and features a stainless steel piano hinge with tamper-proof screws. This hinge design eliminates *any chance* of access when closed, and a front view window permits immediate knife inspection.
> ...



Wife is saying that I need to baby/kid proof the house and that the magnetIc strip has to go (for now). Maybe I need one of these bad boys? Sure she'll love that in a home kitchen.

Regarding the topic on hand, the wife gets to try all new knives as soon as the enter the house. Her remark on Marko's practice gyuto while prepping an onion, "wow that's sharp." She still uses the Shun classics as they are stainless and the handles are perfect for her.


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## RobinW (Mar 8, 2013)

I have two rules only; knives should be used for food cutting tasks. No screwdriving, steel wire etc. Second is it needs to be asap after use.
As long as those are abided by, the wife can use anthing. However, she basically only uses a Tanaka santoku and the shun parer.


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## Corny357 (Mar 8, 2013)

Love my wife but she won't touch my new knife, she's very intimidated and doesn't want to learn correct technique. No biggie, she knows not to use this beauty.


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## mr drinky (Mar 9, 2013)

I do think there are ways to 'teach' before using too. I have a drawer with two knife racks in it. On one side, are my nice knives and carbon knives. On the other are knives that are still nice but harder to mess up. And just to give you an idea, there is a Shun, two blue AS steel knives from JWW, a carbon petty, and a bunch of Forschners on 'her' side. I'll try find an old picture to accompany this, and the knives may not match how I describe it above.

k.


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## franzb69 (Mar 9, 2013)

my mother doesn't wanna touch my knives as they are all razor sharp as she tells me. lol. so i take our crappy home knives and i just sharpen those to their liking.


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## mikemac (Mar 9, 2013)

Your favorite knife can easily be modified and refined to your specific whims, or restored to original. It can be replaced with an identical model, or put away when a new, better model shows up at the front door. When you tire of it, you can pull an old favorite out of storage and fondle that one for as long as you like. You probably already know what your next favorite knife will be, your GF tolerates you talking about it, and she may even go out and get it for you a surprise

If you you can say the same about your GF/SO - WOW! Otherwise, tread lightly, very very lightly!


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## Chef Doom (Mar 9, 2013)

Send her down the street to JKI and let Jon help her get started on her own journey.


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## swarfrat (Mar 9, 2013)

Anton said:


> .... I honestly think she might be a little jealous because how much attention I give to them and how I "talk" about them...


If you think she's jealous now, wait til she catches you talking _too _them.


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## Mike9 (Mar 9, 2013)

swarfrat said:


> If you think she's jealous now, wait til she catches you talking _too _them.




:spitcoffee:


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## Anton (Mar 10, 2013)

Thank you all for the thorough experienced feedback. I think I'm just going to try turn her into knives to be honest. Let her in... Tell her how much they are, etc. at the end of the day. I'm pretty sure she'll end up naturally gravitating towards a 210 and a petty. So now I need to find her a proper 210, something forgiving. 

At the end of the day I think I'll win more by making her part of it, we'll see... Will report back.

Thanks again!


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## Justin0505 (Mar 11, 2013)

Consider yourself lucky. Obviously you are within your rights to not want to share and give her a "it's not that I don't trust you; it's just that I'm too obsessive compulsive / particular about them and I don't want to make you crazy stressing out over them." But, I think that would be a big waste of an opportunity to create a new knut and have something really fun to share with your partner. 

There's big responsibility on your shoulders to do this in a way that's fun, supportive, and not intimidating or scary. Take it a step at a time. Start her off on something user-friendly and that she's excite about using. Show her the basics for safe handling (for both her and the knife), how to hold, how to cut, how to set it down on the far side of the board facing away, how to wash & dry. That should take all of 5min, then have fun cooking together. Also (this is difficult for me too), DON'T STARE! It sucks to be new / feel a little nervous about something and have someone standing there scrutinizing you. Give yourself something to cut on your own or something with which to occupy yourself so you're not hovering and drving her nuts. 

Introduce new knives either when she's interested in them or when it's appropriate to a task. For example, My GF was cutting hard raw beets with fairly robust gyuto and it was wedging, so I grabbed a really thin nakiri and said "here, give this a shot." - You shoulda seen the look on her face when that thing almost fell though the beet. It was like a light went off of "ohhh THAT'S why you have different knives." Now she has fun planning out a cutting task and figuring out what the best tool for the job would be.


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## theLawlCat (Mar 11, 2013)

My GF and I moved in together right as I was getting hooked on good kitchen knives about six months ago. She will not admit it but she enjoys having really sharp knives and complains if the knife she uses most (a 6 inch shun) gets even a little dull. She also really likes the Ealy paring knife. She wont use anything 240 or longer, and doesn't want to worry about caring for carbon so I think we will both have our own different good knives with maybe a little overlap. She also thinks custom handles are pretty and has approved a mag strip if it is made of nice wood so I think we are going to be ok.


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## boomchakabowwow (Mar 12, 2013)

live in girlfriend..or wife.

carte blanche buddy!! life is too short to put material things above a relationship. my wife uses all my tools, and drives my vintage sportscar (more than i do!!)

whatever..i love the woman.


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## zitangy (Mar 12, 2013)

JanusInTheGarden said:


> Wait, how do you guys get your sig others to cook? Mine says thats what I'm here for...




Balance of Power.. To me this is what it is all about.

Doesnt mean that yu share my pillow that you can use my very personal things. Yes knives falls under that category.

I use to have ladies over for meals.. Doing cooking, serving food to ladies based on my personal experience screws up the thin invisible dividing line of "who is the boss" or at least ...an equal relationship. Thus these days, when I cook and do the buying and prep work and cook and bring it to the table, after eating, I will take a shower and do my other things. This way at least in my eyes.. it rebalances teh " one upmanship". 

Psychologically.... there is some basis to this.. I think.

Used to have ladies telling others that I am their personal chef!.. meaning their kitchen slave. I cook no more and when I do cook.. they know that it is a treat and not their right.

There may be other ways to .. " rebalance the seat of an equal relationship " or power..

Always...... have fun and stay sharp.. 
D


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## boomchakabowwow (Mar 12, 2013)

^^ single guy?


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## mano (Mar 12, 2013)

zitangy said:


> Balance of Power.. To me this is what it is all about.
> 
> Doesnt mean that yu share my pillow that you can use my very personal things. Yes knives falls under that category.
> 
> ...



There certainly is, and it's 500 miles from where you think.


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## Justin0505 (Mar 12, 2013)

zitangy said:


> Balance of Power.. To me this is what it is all about.
> 
> Doesnt mean that yu share my pillow that you can use my very personal things. Yes knives falls under that category.
> 
> ...




Wow, I don't even know where to start with that one... 
You have a very different view of what it means to cook for someone than I do. 

Personally, I think that being responsible for feeding someone and being responsible for teaching someone are both positions of power. They require trust and a relinquishment of control on the part of the consumer / student.

Plus, I have yet to meet a girl who's not impressed by knife skills. If "looking like a bada$$" is priority, then casually blasting though a perfect fine dice with a 270 while sipping wine, and chatting is a pretty quick way to accomplish that.


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## Eric (Mar 12, 2013)

Just got my wife her own, a gesshin ginga 180 petty in stainless. Its thin and light, like a feather. She loves it, and is not intimidated by its size. So I guess, I am recommending getting her one of her own


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## boomchakabowwow (Mar 12, 2013)

Justin0505 said:


> Wow, I don't even know where to start with that one...
> You have a very different view of what it means to cook for someone than I do.
> 
> Personally, I think that being responsible for feeding someone and being responsible for teaching someone are both positions of power. They require trust and a relinquishment of control on the part of the consumer / student.
> ...



i see where you are going with this..i'll take it further. i do MOST of the cooking at my home. for my wife and i. do i feel resentful?..HECK NO! i love cooking, and i love feeding my lovely wife great food. the look on her face when she eats something new and delish, that i am experimenting with....worth EVERYTHING.

there is no power struggle in my relationship with my wife. same with any of my past girlfriends. i do things, and there are no strings attached. ever.

my knife skills? not sure if my wife has even seen me dice an onion.


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## Meals (Mar 12, 2013)

JanusInTheGarden said:


> Wait, how do you guys get your sig others to cook? Mine says thats what I'm here for...



I'm told a big reason I am here is the food!


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